Why You Should Not Trust Alice As a Babysitter
by AllApologies451994
Summary: You guys voted for it, so here it is. Sequel to Why You Should Not Trust Jasper As a Babysitter. More comedy, more randomness, and more Bert! :D
1. Chapter I

**Why You Should Not Trust Alice As a Babysitter  
Chapter I  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**A/N: You guys voted, and here it is. Alice shall be the next victim in our little story. This will sort of be different, but it will have all the same humor elements as the two prequels did. Bert WILL be in here... (**_**numerous shouts of YAY! are heard in the background**_**), and maybe a few... special... guest stars will be in here. I hope you enjoy the first chapter of the new installment! :D**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except Bert and my own wacky ideas!**

"...Who's next?" asked Emmett in a mischievous tone. He looked all around at all the Cullens (who had just entered the room). Everyone looked frightened... All except one brave soul.

"I'll do it! It'll be sooooo much fun!!!"

"Are you insane, woman!?"

"...What I think Jasper is trying to say is... well, exactly what he just said."

"God bless you Alice, for you are probably the bravest soul in here tonight... SEE Y'ALL LATER!"

And with that, everyone ran out, with Emmett leading the parade. Alice turned around to see Renesmee staring at her funny, and Bert right behind her.

"Um, excuse me, but... who the heck are you?"

"O, me? I'm Bert the Hobo. But you can just call me Bert."

"OMG really!? I LOVE that name! Dude, we can so be like, BFFs! We can go to the mall and get our nails done and EVERYTHING!"

"O yea, son! ...I need a new wardrobe, too!"

"Well then, I guess I can help with you... But first, you've GOT to get rid of that flannel..."

"...Well, okay then...."

"Um, I'm the baby here! Aren't you supposed to be watching me!?"

Bert seemed to be hurt by this remark, and he looked at her funny.

"You're not THE baby, you're just A baby. I am THE BABY!"

"Dude, how old are you, anyways?"

"...29...."

"Then I'm the baby."

"Nuh-uh, I was the baby before you were even thought about being born."

"Nessie, don't argue with Bert. He may bring you down to his level and then beat you with experience. Besides, why don't you go destroy uncle Emmett's room while I help with Bert's wardrobe."

"Well, when you put it like that... okay then!"

So she went and destroyed Emmett's room, Bert's room, Jasper's room, and drew pictures all over the living room walls.

Alice was deciding what color best suited Bert when all of a sudden she heard a loud bang downstairs. And then the phone rang.

Alice ran downstairs and answered the phone.

"Hello? ...No, I didn't... What do you mean, there's a random youngun outside my house? ....Who is this!?"

And then she hung up and ran outside.

There was Nessie, holding some random dude in a headlock, grinning at Alice.

"Well, looks like this is harder than I thought it was."

**A/N: Well, there you have it. I really hope you've enjoyed it. And I'm sorry about the shortness, but this is just an introduction to the actual story. The REAL meat of the story will follow in the next chapters. Anyways, please read and review and show me LOTS of love! :D**


	2. Chapter II

**Why You Should Not Trust Alice As a Babysitter  
Chapter II  
Written by: AllApologies451994**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, any of its characters, or the Jonas Brothers. Also, the whole concept of this little chapter was a suggestion from SGP.... So you know this can't be good :P**

Okay, so it was day 2 of Alice having to put up with baby Nessie. even though she didn't really LOOK like a baby anymore. She looked about 10. And yes, this happened all so quick. But o well. I don't control how fast she goes; I just tell about it here.

Alice was in Bert's new room, trying to find him some new material to wear.

"Hmm... This COULD work, but if only it was a different color... O.M.G.W! This would SOOOOOOO go with your eyes! Hmm, you're in desperate need of a new wardrobe..."

....Yea, I'm sure you don't wanna listen to that. So, let's check up on what Nessie's up to.

Renesmee was really bored. She was so bored she was talking to Tyson. ...Yea, it was that bad. And yes, I'm referring to Tyson/Bob the vacuum cleaner from Why You Should Not Trust Jasper As a Babysitter. But I'm breaking the fourth wall right now so let's move away from this topic.

"So, Tyson... is that even your real name? Or is it Bob.... Hmm.... I see... Okay, I'll just call you Tre from now on, after Tre Cool from Green Day! ....Yea, I know. Bert IS a huge pain in the hind end. ......Yea, you're right, I need some fresh air. I think I'll go outside and pick some flowers."

So that's exactly what she did.

She was outside, looking at all the pretty Tiger Lilies, when all of a sudden there was a random pink limo part outside. Nessie cocked her head sideways and looked around at it for a bit, when 3 random brothers (or so they appeared to be) walked out.

"Um, I think you have the wrong house... The Cullens are very antisocial people...."

But it seems the guys didn't hear her. She got frustrated and started banging on the dirt in the garden out of frustration.

"Aw, look how cute she is, Nick! A little girl gardening! Her mother must be so proud!"

"Shut up, Kevin! No one cares about how 'cute' she looks. She's a freaking kid. Who cares?"

"Now Joe, that was uncalled for...."

_Hmm, these guys seem to be difficult, _Renesmee thought. _I have some plans for these guys...._

"Um, do you guys happen to be the Jonas Brothers, by any chance?"

"Yea," replied Kevin. "We were on our way to a concert, lost our way, and ended up here. Can we please come in?"

"Sure, guys. We're gonna have _lots _of fun...."

Renesmee grinned evilly and brought the brothers in the house.

"Whoa, guys, look!" cried Nick. "This place is so... fancy!"

"Yea, I guess..." And with that, Joe knocked over a vase.

Nessie glared at him for a bit, but then decided not to drink his blood. She didn't need a lot of rabid fangirls trying to hunt her down and kill her.

"Guys, sit down, make yourself at home. Here's the remote; watch whatever you want."

She then ran upstairs, to get Alice.

"ALICE!! ALICE!!! GET AWAY FROM THAT STUPID HOBO AND GET DOWN HERE!!! I THINK SUPPER HAD JUST ARRIVED!"

Alice grimaced. She already knew the Jonas Brothers had shown up, but she didn't know what Nessie planned to do with them. She ran downstairs to see them, sitting on the couch. Kevin was watching Dora the Explorer, Nick was playing Connect the Dots, and Joe was materializing random vases and breaking them. This did not look too good on their account.

"Nessie... what are you planning to do to them?"

"It's a surpise... for now!"

**A/N: Send me reviews and happy birthday/get well soon comments to see what Nessie plans to do to them! (Yea, this is why it took a while. Planning a party and I have something wrong with my stomach/throat.) Don't you guys just LOVE cliffhangers...?**


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